by Michael Rosen


I don’t mind waiting

I do mind being told I’m waiting

I don’t mind good news

I do mind being told which news is good

I don’t mind being told that people are happy

I do mind being told that I’m happy

I don’t mind that people like a newborn baby

I do mind being told that I like a newborn baby

I don’t mind that people like doing their family tree

I do mind being told that I like their family tree

I don’t mind being rained over

I do mind being reigned over


Poem for Gove

John Cooper-Clarke rewrites his Twat poem


Like the staffroom at the end of term, you’re the bitter end

Like a recently disinfected toilet, you’re clean round the bend

You manipulate exam results

Too tragic to be true

Our children’s tomorrow’s

will be lousy, coz of you

You put the cad in academy

Put the ass in class

Your policies are splattered about

Your attitude is crass

You’re certainly no team player, you’re egotistical, a brag

Do us all a favour, here… wear this polythene bag

You’re like a dose of scabies

I’ve got you under my skin

You make life a fairy tale… Grimm!

People mention murder, the moment you arrive

I’d consider killing you if I thought you were alive

You’ve got this slippery quality

It makes me think of phlegm

And a dual personality

… and I hate both of them

Your arrogance academies demoralisation and decay

Please, please, please, please, take yourself away

Like a death at a birthday party

You ruin all the fun

Like a sucked and spat our smartie

you’re no use to anyone

Like the spectre of special measures

On an inspector’s face

Speaking as an outsider

What do you think of the human race

Your endless targets, tables and lists

Drive us to suicide…

The door’s there, you won’t be missed

We’ll show you the way outside

You cry failure,

We scream success

We’re heading for a breakdown

You created this mess.

Your dirty name is the one to blame when something goes amiss

Your attitudes and platitudes

Just make us wanna piss

What kind of creature bore you

Was is some kind of bat

They can’t think of a good word for you

But I can… GOVE


One thought on “Two poems

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